Something needs to change!

Until the caffeine headache kicks in or you get a bad nights sleep and the coffee feels essential.  Until that project is so close to being finished so maybe if you just kept going it might get finished tonight so you stay just that little bit (several hours!) later. Until you get distracted by the incoming emails that seem that little bit more important or exciting than what was on the list and the to do list gets ignored.

In my next lunch and learn webinar next Thursday 21st July I will be talking about Making Change that Sticks. We will look at how you can create powerful motivation and momentum and what it is you need to not just get started but keep going with new habits or changes big and small. Register using the link below:

What needs to change?

Do you know that feeling? Day in day out you find yourself doing the same things in the same ways. The same schedule, the same ways of working that don’t really feel like they’re working, the same procrastination, the same avoiding the tasks that feel a bit too hard, the same bad habits of coffee or chocolate or keeping working two hours longer than you meant to, the same logging back on an hour after you finally stopped working because you just need to check one thing….

We know that things aren’t working for us as they are. We know we spend too long working, or that we are over-giving to our family or that we aren’t taking the time to look after ourselves or that our boundaries aren’t clear enough or all of those or something else. We know we’re heading in the direction of burnout but we don’t know how to stop ourselves.

When we feel close to burnout or exhausted from it all, it can be hard to recognise what it is that we actually want. We can recognise something needs to change but we don’t necessarily know what it is or how to do anything about that.

The trouble is that, without a clear idea of what we want, we can feel either trapped in the discontent or that we have no other option but to take a drastic decision. In this mindset it is easy to decide that something is going to change on the spur of the moment: You’re ditching the coffee. You’re logging off on time every day this week. You’re going to stay focussed on the to do list today. You may have failed at these sudden changes in the past but this time it’s going to be different!

Creating breathing space

What if there was another way?

A key step in identifying the bigger changes we need to make is to create ourselves some breathing space. And I know that might sound impossible to some of you! But with simple steps we can often carve out enough time and enough energy to begin the reflection process to find what it is we truly want.

Making a small change successfully can help us identify what makes change positive and gives us confidence when it comes to tackling bigger changes.

Make a change with an energy boosting habit

Whilst you are struggling to identify the major life changes you might need to make, you could make a small change to give yourself some breathing space. This could be as simple as committing to one new habit that will boost your energy and your time:

• committing to getting to sleep half an hour earlier every day to give yourself an energy boost.
• finding space for regular mindfulness or meditation or journaling to clear some headspace.
• taking just one hour every week to do something just for you.

Making change stick

Knowing that something needs to change doesn’t mean that making that change suddenly becomes easy!  It’s not all about grit, determination and willpower. It’s about really understanding what is going on inside your own head that is getting you started or that is stopping you. It’s about being clear on what your motivation is and how you will find some momentum to make it happen.

Deciding to make changes and then stopping ourselves before we’ve really got started is incredibly common. Here are some problems you might encounter and ways to avoid or manage them.

Managing slip ups

You decide it’s time to make a change. New habit, starting today. You’re feeling excited! This is it! This time you’re sticking with it! It’s all going to be different. No back tracking. No screwing it up two days in. No giving up.

And then two days in, you slip up. Old habits take over and, before you’ve even realised it, you’ve reverted.

What do you do?

Forgive yourself

What many of us do is spend the rest of the day (or longer!) beating ourselves up over it. Telling ourselves how terrible we are for making that mistake. Clearly we’re too lazy/too useless/not good enough or some other potent cocktail of personal put-downs that only we can create about ourselves.

But, what if it was just a mistake? What if, instead of the treating yourself as a punchbag, you looked at what happened, saw whether there was anything to learn from it, dusted yourself down and then just…carried on? How might that change the long-term success of that change, or habit?

We can often identify changes that would benefit us yet we find ourselves thinking “Why can’t I just do it?!”

The problem is that consciously deciding we want to change something is not the same as getting our unconscious brain bought into the same idea.

Our unconscious often has a firm belief that’s in opposition to what we want to do. Our conscious brain thinks “I know I should go to bed earlier”. However, our unconscious brain pressed the Next Episode button, because it believes “If I go to bed earlier then I’m missing out on time for me and that’s not fair”.

Real change comes when we can get our conscious and unconscious minds working together.

• What is your unconscious mind telling you in resisting that change?
• Could you challenge your unconscious mind’s concern? For example “I will miss out by going to bed earlier” can be challenged with the enjoyable things you could do if you were more energised.

Take note of how this change makes you feel. Will you keep it up?

Has it given you a little breathing space?
Do you have any further insights on what else needs to change in your life?

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If you feel like you need some outside perspective and support to make life changes then you may want to book a FREE discovery call to see how we could work together.

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If you’re not already a member then please do join us in my Facebook group, Soulfire Community. We would love to hear what habit you’re taking up, and how this change is making you feel. To read more ways to make effective change ensure you are signed up to my newsletter.